Mr Carnage
n00b
Artist formally known as Taramis.
Posts: 64
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Post by Mr Carnage on Mar 31, 2008 16:56:40 GMT 10
^LMAO!  Hey Damage that snake and the mongeese reminded me of that time after the AC/DC concert when we arrived back at Newport station to have about a hundred wanking 'Newport Boys' (read rap dancing poofters) waiting to 'kill' us. F#cking losers couldn't keep up! Outa shape mud valve mechanics!  Just heard a great joke on the news; Thomas Towle (Mildura car killer of the 6 teenagers) was sentenced to 10yr's with a minimum of 7 but should be out in 5. Oooooohhhhhh Poleeeeeease!  |
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Post by Mr Damage on Mar 31, 2008 19:51:47 GMT 10
^LMAO! Hey Damage that snake and the mongeese reminded me of that time after the AC/DC concert when we arrived back at Newport station to have about a hundred wanking 'Newport Boys' (read rap dancing poofters) waitng to 'kill' us. F#cking losers couldn't keep up! Outa shape mud valve mechanics! I remember that very well, it was just like the movie "The Warriors" come out and plaaaayyyy |
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Mr Carnage
n00b
Artist formally known as Taramis.
Posts: 64
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Post by Mr Carnage on Apr 3, 2008 17:29:28 GMT 10
An old man goes to the chemist to buy some viagra."Can I have 6 viagra tablets cut into quarters please." "I can cut them for you" said the chemist, "but a quarter tablet will not give you a full erection." "I am 96yr's old" said the old man. "I don't want an erection, I just want it sticking out far enough so I don't piss on my slippers." |
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Mr Carnage
n00b
Artist formally known as Taramis.
Posts: 64
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Post by Mr Carnage on Apr 6, 2008 16:36:43 GMT 10
Husband and wife are shopping in Safeway when the husband picks up a dozen stubbies and sticks them in the trolley. "What do you think your doing?" asks the wife. "They're on special, only $10 for 12 cans" he says. "Put them back. We can't afford it" says the wife and they carry on shopping. A few aisles later the wife picks up a $20 jar of face cream and sticks it in the trolley. "What do you think your doing?" asks the husband. "It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful" she says. The husband replies...."SO DOES 12 CANS OF VB AND IT'S ONLY HALF THE F#CKING PRICE!!!" |
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Mr Carnage
n00b
Artist formally known as Taramis.
Posts: 64
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Post by Mr Carnage on Apr 9, 2008 20:27:14 GMT 10
A woman standing nude in front of a mirror, says to her husband, "I look horrible, I feel fat and ugly, pay me a compliment" He replies, "your eyesight is perfect!"  |
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Post by TROOPER71 on Apr 15, 2008 19:01:08 GMT 10
THINGY (thing-ee) n.
Female: Any part under a car's hood.
Male: The strap fastener on a woman's bra.
VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female: Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
Male: Playing cricket without a cup.
COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n .
Female: The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
Male: Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys.
COMMITMENT (ko- mit-ment) n.
Female: A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male: Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.
ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
Female: A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male: Anything that can be done while drinking beer.
FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
Female: An embarrassing byproduct of indigestion.
Male: A source of entertainment, self-expression, male bonding.
MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
Female: The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
Male: Call it whatever you want, just as long as we do it.
REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female: A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male: A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes.
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Mr Carnage
n00b
Artist formally known as Taramis.
Posts: 64
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Post by Mr Carnage on May 1, 2008 20:17:56 GMT 10
An abo waiting at a bus stop suddenly has the urge to take a dump. He looks around, no one there, decides to drop his strides. Backs out a whopper just as the bus heads up towards the stop. He gets on the bus and says to the driver, "how much bloke?" the driver replies, "that'll be $5 for you and $2.50 for the little chappy." |
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Post by Big_John on May 9, 2008 14:53:12 GMT 10
Why did Hitler kill himself? He saw his gas bill!
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Post by Mean Machine on May 22, 2008 14:54:54 GMT 10
Two boys in Brisbane playing football when one of the boys is attacked by a vicious Rottweiler. Thinking quickly, the other boy rips a board off the nearby fence, wedges it down the dog's collar, and twists, breaking the dog's neck.
A Courier Mail reporter hears about the incident and rushes over to interview the boy. "Young Lions Fan Saves Friend From Vicious Animal," he starts writing in his notebook.
But I'm not a Lions fan," the little hero replies.
"Sorry, since we are in Brisbane just assumed you were," says the reporter, and he starts again. "Bronco's Fan Rescues Friend From Horrific Attack," ! he jots in his notebook.
"I'm not a Bronco fan either," the boy responds.
The reporter starts again: "Maroons supporter risks life in heroic rescue"
"I'm not a Maroons fan either," the boy responds.
"I assumed everyone in Brisbane was either for the Lions, Broncos or the Maroons. What team do you cheer for?" the reporter asks.
"We are both from Sydney and I'm a Blue's fan," the boy says.
The reporter starts a new sheet in his notebook and writes: "Little Redneck Cockroach Vandalises Fence and Kills Beloved Family Pet."
_________________
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Post by Sands Of Time on Sept 25, 2009 14:29:46 GMT 10
Authorities have located the source of Wednesday's dust storm.
Some dumb prick opened the NSW state of origin trophy cabinet
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Post by MaidenOz on Sept 27, 2009 16:03:23 GMT 10
Funny stuff fellas. I heard the FILTHIEST little Johnny joke the other day which I will not repeat publicly. It's kinda gross. If you want it, PM me. If Skrabs gives it the ok I may post it here.
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Post by skrabsta on Sept 27, 2009 17:59:42 GMT 10
Funny stuff fellas. I heard the FILTHIEST little Johnny joke the other day which I will not repeat publicly. It's kinda gross. If you want it, PM me. If Skrabs gives it the ok I may post it here. just post it prude ! |
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Post by TROOPER71 on Sept 27, 2009 18:25:22 GMT 10
Authorities have located the source of Wednesday's dust storm. Some dumb prick opened the NSW state of origin trophy cabinet you looking to get banned or what??? |
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Post by MaidenOz on Sept 28, 2009 1:10:01 GMT 10
OK that's a go from the boss. Don't say I didn't warn you. It's filthy. It's gross. You may throw up in your mouth a little bit. Empty the room of any children before proceeding further please..... One day, little Johnny comes running into the kitchen all excited and says to his mum, "MUM MUM! Granny's grown a prawn. Granny's grown a prawn!" Mum looks at little Johnny and says, "What? Johnny what are you on about? What do you mean Granny's grown a prawn?" Little Johnny grabs mum by the hand and starts dragging her into the lougeroom.. "Come on Mum I'll show you" They get to the loungeroom and there's granny, sound asleep on the couch snoring her head off. It's a hot evening so she's got her nighty hoiked up above her waist, no grundies on, legs spread wide open. Little Johnny points to granny's privates and says, "SEE! See mum I told you. Granny's grown a prawn!" Mum shakes her head and very gently says to little Johnny, "No johnny, you silly little boy. That's not a prawn. That's granny's Pinkyoris. You'll learn all about those when you get older." Little Johnny looks confused, scratches his head and says... "It sure tastes like a prawn though" |
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Post by skrabsta on Oct 1, 2009 18:28:15 GMT 10
ummmmm.......
im lost for words.
yuck.
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Hey Damage that snake and the mongeese reminded me of that time after the AC/DC concert when we arrived back at Newport station to have about a hundred wanking 'Newport Boys' (read rap dancing poofters) waiting to 'kill' us. F#cking losers couldn't keep up! Outa shape mud valve mechanics! 
