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Post by Wrathchild on Sept 21, 2007 22:45:16 GMT 10
^HAHHAHAHAHA  |
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Post by Wrathchild on Oct 1, 2007 23:22:25 GMT 10
The trainee- On his first day, the trainee dialled the kitchen and shouted into the phone: " Get me a F***ING cup of coffee, quickly!" The voice from the other side responded: "You fool, you've dialled the wrong extension! Do you know who you're talking to?" "No," replied the trainee. "It's the Managing Director of the company, idiot!" The trainee shouted back: "And do you know who YOU are F***ING talking to, you F***ING idiot?" "No!" replied the Managing Director indignantly. "Thank F**K for that!" replied the trainee and put down the phone. |
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Post by stormster on Oct 1, 2007 23:33:48 GMT 10
lol - wat about the joke i sent ya tonite!
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Post by Wrathchild on Oct 2, 2007 11:40:17 GMT 10
lol - wat about the joke i sent ya tonite! LOL No I am not posting it  |
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Post by MaidenOz on Oct 3, 2007 14:39:41 GMT 10
HA! just got this in an email
A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around,
looking for valuables; and when he picked up a CD player to place in his
sack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark saying, "Jesus is
watching you."
He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze.
When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head and continued.
Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as
a bell he heard, "Jesus is watching you."
Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the
source of the voice.
Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a
parrot.
Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot
"Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn
you."
The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?"
"Moses," replied the bird.
"Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird
Moses?"
"The kind of people that would name a Rottweiler Jesus."
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Post by skrabsta on Oct 3, 2007 15:18:09 GMT 10
can you guess the answer to the below riddle  |
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Post by TROOPER71 on Oct 3, 2007 16:12:55 GMT 10
I LOVE C***RY MUSIC
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Post by Wrathchild on Oct 3, 2007 18:00:01 GMT 10
Bahaha  Moz's one is funny too |
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Post by TROOPER71 on Oct 18, 2007 20:32:49 GMT 10
Goldilocks
A far more accurate account of the events of that fateful morning...
Baby bear goes downstairs, sits in his small chair at the table. He
looks into his small bowl. It is empty. "Who's been eating my
porridge?" he squeaks.
Daddy Bear arrives at the big table and sits in his big chair. He
looks into his big bowl and it is also empty. "Who's been eating my
porridge?!?" he roars.
Mummy Bear puts her head through the serving hatch from the kitchen
and yells, "For God's sake, how many times do I have to go through this
with you idiots? It was Mummy Bear who got up first. It was Mummy Bear
who woke everyone in the house. It was Mummy Bear who made the coffee.
It was Mummy Bear who unloaded the dishwasher from last night and put
everything away. It was Mummy Bear who swept the floor in the kitchen.
It was Mummy Bear who went out in the cold early morning air to fetch
The newspaper and croissants. It was Mummy Bear who set the damn
table.
"It was Mummy Bear who walked the bloody dog, cleaned the cat's litter
tray, gave them their food, and refilled their water..
"And now that you've decided to drag your sorry bear-asses downstairs
and grace Mummy Bear with your grumpy presence, listen carefully, because
I'm only going to say this once....
"I HAVEN'T MADE THE F***ING PORRIDGE YET!!!"
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Post by TROOPER71 on Oct 19, 2007 17:03:48 GMT 10
Two Blondes With Hammers...
Carol and Donna, were doing some carpenter work on a Habitat for Humanity house. Carol, who was nailing down house siding, would reach into her nail pouch, pull out a nail and either toss it over her shoulder or nail it in.
Donna, figuring this was worth looking into, asked, "Why are you throwing those nails away?"
Carol explained, "When I pull a nail out of my pouch, about half of them have the head on the wrong end and I throw them away."
Donna got completely upset and yelled, "You moron! Those nails aren't defective! They're for the other side of the house!"
*********************
Drive-In
Did you hear about the two blondes who froze to death in a drive-in movie?
They had gone to see "Closed for the Winter."
*********************
Self Harm
A blonde hurried into the emergency room late one night with the tip of her index finger shot off.
"How did this happen?" the emergency room doctor asked her.
"Well, I was trying to commit suicide," the blonde replied.
"What?" sputtered the doctor. "You tried to commit suicide by shooting off your finger?"
"No, Silly" the blonde said. "First I put the gun to my chest, and then I thought, 'I just paid $6, 000.00 for these implants. I'm not shooting myself in the chest."
"So then?" asked the doctor.
"Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought, "I just paid $3,000.00 to get my teeth straightened. I'm not shooting myself in the mouth."
"So then?
"Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought: "This is going to make a loud noise. So I put my finger in my other ear before I pulled the trigger."
*****************
Escalator
Did you hear about the near-tragedy at the mall?
There was a power outage, and three blondes were stuck on the escalator for more than four hours.
*****************
Car Dents
A blonde was driving home after a game and got caught in a really bad hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to a repair shop.
The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he decided to have some fun. He told her to go home and blow into the tail pipe really hard, and all the dents would pop out.
So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and started blowing into her tailpipe. Nothing happened. So she blew a little harder, and still nothing happened.
Her blonde roommate saw her and asked, "What are you doing?" The first blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the tail pipe in order to get all the dents to pop out.
The roommate rolled her eyes and said, "Duh, like... HELLO! You need to roll up the windows first."
***************
Thermos
A blonde was shopping at Target and came across a shiny silver thermos.
She was quite fascinated by it, so she picked it up and took it to the clerk to ask what it was.
The clerk said, "Why, that's a thermos.....it keeps hot things hot, and cold things cold."
"Wow," said the blonde, "that's amazing! I'm going to buy it!!" So she bought the thermos and took it to work the next day.
Her boss saw it on her desk. "What's that," he asked?
"Why, that's a thermos.....it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold," she replied.
Her boss inquired, "What do you have in it?"
The blond replied........"Two icy poles and some coffee."
************
AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST
A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out. Her boss asked sympathetically, "What's the matter ? "
The blonde replies, "Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away."
The boss, feeling sorry for her, says, "Why don't you go home for the day? Take the day off to relax and rest."
"Thanks, but I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it and I have a better chance of doing that here."
The boss agrees and allows the blonde to work usual. A couple of hours pass and the boss decides to check on the blonde. He looks out from his office and sees the blonde crying hysterically.
"What's so bad now? Are you gonna be okay?" he asks.
"No!" exclaims the blonde. "I just received a horrible call from my sister. Her mother died, too."
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Post by Wrathchild on Oct 19, 2007 20:53:39 GMT 10
 haha blonde jokes r always good! |
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Post by skrabsta on Oct 25, 2007 12:19:38 GMT 10
This is pure gold.
IF MEN WROTE PROBLEM PAGES
Q: My husband wants a threesome with my best friend and me.
A: Obviously your husband cannot get enough of you! Knowing that there is only one of you he can only settle for the next best thing your best friend. Far from being an issue, this can only bring you closer together. Why not get some of your old college roommates involved too? If you are still apprehensive, maybe you should let him be with your friends without you. If you’re still not sure then just perform oral sex on him and cook him a nice meal while you think about it.
Q: My husband continually asks me to perform oral sex on him.
A: Do it. Semen can help you lose weight and gives a great glow to your skin. Interestingly, men know this. His offer to allow you to perform oral sex on him is totally selfless. This shows he loves you. The best thing to do is to thank him by performing it twice a day: then cook him a nice meal.
Q: My husband has too many nights out with the boys.
A: This is perfectly natural behaviour and it should be encouraged. The man is a hunter and he needs to prove his prowess with other men. A night out chasing young single girls is great stress relief and can foster a more peaceful and relaxing home. Remember, nothing can rekindle your relationship better than the man being away for a day or two (it’s great time to clean the house too!) Just look at how emotional and happy he is when he returns to his stable home. The best thing to do when he returns home is for you and your best friend to perform oral sex on him. Then cook him a nice meal.
Q: My husband doesn’t know where my Pinkyoris is.
A: Your Pinkyoris is of no concern to your husband. If you must mess with it do it in your own time or ask your best friend to help. You may wish to videotape yourself while doing this, and present it to your husband as a birthday gift. To ease your selfish guilt, perform oral sex on him and cook him a delicious meal.
Q: My husband is uninterested in foreplay.
A: You are a bad person for bringing it up and should seek sensitivity training. Foreplay to man is very stressful and time consuming. Sex should be available to your husband on demand with no pesky requests for foreplay. What this means is that you do not love your man as much as you should; He should never have to work to get you in the mood. Stop being so selfish! Perhaps you can make it up to him by performing oral sex on him and cooking him a nice meal.
Q: My husband always has an orgasm then rolls over and goes to sleep without giving me one.
A: I’m not sure I understand the problem. Perhaps you’ve forgotten to cook him a nice meal.
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Post by Wrathchild on Oct 25, 2007 12:32:31 GMT 10
^hahaha ah gee!  |
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Post by Sands Of Time on Oct 25, 2007 13:17:29 GMT 10
Hahahahaha That's piss funny  |
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Post by Beetle on Oct 25, 2007 14:42:45 GMT 10
What is the frist question asked at every Penrith Rugby Club Trivia night?
What the F**k are you looking at?
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